Goodbye, For Now…
I am sitting at my cubicle, surrounded by baby photos, frames, note pads, pens, a calendar and a jar of peanut butter.
I just took this stuff out of a box 9 months ago!! Now, here I am, packing it all up again for another year. Tomorrow is my last day at Global.
The last time I went on maternity leave, the feeling was bittersweet. I had serious FOMO. It was strange to suddenly put my career on hold to become a full-time mom, overnight. I hadn’t gone to school for that. There were no tests, no trial runs, no internships to prepare me. I feared change, I feared the implications of motherhood and I feared being forgotten. I probably was, haha! But a year later I came back to work and everything was the same. It was as if I had never left.
This time, emotions are mixed as well, but for different reasons. I know what I’m getting into with a new baby, and that’s why I’m dreading my departure! I’m still working on lowering my expectations for mat leave #2. Just keep the kids fed, changed and occupied. That’s it. If something else happens to get done, consider it a bonus.
That being said, I’m really ready to go.
I’m exhausted. I’m sore. I’m unproductive. And I’m tired of hearing my lungs wheeze every time I walk back up from the studio!
My mind and my body need the next few weeks to rest, especially while my daughter is in daycare for a few more weeks.
She’s still a baby after all. She still sleeps in a crib, wears diapers and drinks from a bottle. I didn’t give myself much time in between the two girls… about 21 months.
The thinking was… let’s get the really tough early years over faster. We’re in baby mode. We’re already in the thick of parenting a young child and building our family. What are we waiting for?
And down the road, we hope the two siblings will play relatively well together; that they’ll have similar interests, go through similar stages, and be little companions. It’s not for everybody, but it’s what we felt worked best for us.
My parents’ choices also had an influence on our decision to have our children close in age. My brother and I were born within a year of each other. We’re actually the same age for three days, and we’ve always been very close. My mom claims the close age gap ‘wasn’t bad at all’… but she also has the patience of a saint, and the memory of a goldfish.
She was born to be a mom. Sometimes, I think I was not. But I’m learning to make peace with motherhood and all of its challenges; to change my mindset, lower my expectations and embrace the chaos. Time is running out though. We’re about to have two under two in just over two weeks! While I only have two hands, I’m praying I’ll have twice the patience and twice the heart to survive the next year.
You’ll do great! I had two kids 21 months apart too, and I’m a control freak. I have to remind myself daily to let the small things go. Beds not made and the laundry still sitting in the basket? Yep, but hey, at least it’s clean. Dishes not washed and still sitting on the counter? Yep, but the kids are ok, and happy. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. I like having them close in age….and I have the same fear, that I’m not meant to be a mom. I feel like a failure often. But my kids don’t see that, they don’t care. They keep me in check. You’ll do great! I love reading your blog, as I so relate to you. Good luck!
thanks for sharing your reality!! We are all in this together and i’m a control freak too, so I’m learning to let things go as well! So hard but you make such a good point about seeing how you are through the eyes of a child. Thanks again for your comment Jenn and for reading the blog post!
Yaaaaaaas!!!! I felt like I was reading a journal entry that I had written. I felt exactly as you did with the first, and then again before Mat leave with my second (they’re 2 years and 1 week apart). I am at the other end of the spectrum though, and head back to work – for life! – after September long weekend. It’s way more fun the second time around. Enjoy your time off with your babes, and please, pleeeeeease keep up with the awesome Instagram posts.
Hope you’re adjusting to being back to work! Thanks for your comment and for reading 🙂 And for following on Insta! I will be a mess when it’s time to go back to work because it will likely be the last mat leave!!!
Wishing you well as you prepare to welcome your baby girl! All of us Global viewers will be here waiting when you get back. 😀 Enjoy this precious time with your growing family and see you this time again next year!
Awww, thank you so much. That means a lot! Can’t believe I’ve been off for 2 months already… time really flies when you’re busy! thanks for your comment 🙂
I had my 1st & 2nd only 20 months apart & then our 3rd just 15 months later. We had 3, 3 & under for a month. It’s total chaos & insanity but I love it. Good luck with your 2 little girlies! Take a day at a time (sometimes it’s a minute at a time!) and you’ll survive 🙂
Oh, and ignore people’s comments. No word of a lie, I get “wow you’re busy” and even the odd “you must be crazy!” comment E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E. I go out in public.
that’s amazing! I guess we all adjust don’t we?! Thanks for reading and for your comment Brandi!
You will have more patience than you realize, the support of your family will be there too! Everything is going to be fine and you will be missed. Blessings
thank you so much Teresa! Sorry for the late reply!
You will do great, Carole Anne! We had our daughter when our son was 20 months old and I wouldn’t have done it any other way! You’re right that you’re still in the thick of baby mode, so it’ll be a cinch. It was nice to remember everything we had just gone through 20 months previous and it definitely was a LOT easier. I remember having our daughter on a Thursday and my husband going back to work on the Monday and we survived! Lowered expectations are a good thing – I focused on nursing, feeding the toddler, and keeping everyone alive. Now my daughter is one and I can’t believe how fast the year went! We’ll miss seeing your face on the evening news, but look forward to your return. For now, enjoy your growing family! And all the new baby snuggles … they’re the best. 🙂
the new baby cuddles are totally awesome… and her smell makes me melt. I’m definitely better at being more present this time around, because I know how fast it goes! So far we are adjusting well to the new addition and we love her to pieces. thanks for your comment and for reading!